What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
