I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
