There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize