I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
