So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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