I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
