I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
