I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
