i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
