so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
