1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
