when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
