shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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