i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
