im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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