I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
