Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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