I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
