The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
