you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
