1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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