If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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