can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
