why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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