But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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