What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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