The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
