He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
