I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
