3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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