Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
