Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
