Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize