hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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