After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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