walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize