Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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