Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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