too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
