I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
