i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
worst night to have a conscience
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
