So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
