She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
