she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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