she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
