My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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