I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
