She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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