God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
