Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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