we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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