And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
