shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
