just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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