so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
