so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
