dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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