Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
