I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
