So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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