He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
