He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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