I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
