She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
