I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize