And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize