I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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