Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
