he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
