My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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